My wrists cry because I can't,
wet and dripping sore
no dishonesty in bleeding out
the moments I adored.
I cherished them,
I wanted more
I wanted to believe that for
the sake of love,
the sake of a fight,
I would still turn out all right,
but my mind is only little bits
fragmented shards of me
and all the pieces I believed to fit,
cracked where I couldn't see.
I don't want to fix it, I don't,
I want to heal and know I won't,
For I'm not built of the weakness
that makes strong people lie
when they hurt but feign fondness
to avoid a need to cry.
Don't avoid the hole within you,
don't pretend it isn't there
It exists because it has to
saying it
If I were allowed a question,
I'd ask it carefully
sincerely,
directly,
somewhat cautiously.
You make me more myself
than I can be alone;
you push me into a life I swore
I would certainly never condone:
where I regret the me before,
where my weakness is abundant
where the parts of me I can't accept
are clueless and redundant,
and though I have always surely kept
close my need to run
it dissipates, I tremble, shake,
as my strength is undone.
It is of this you I'm asking,
the you that is unfair,
the you that makes me who I am,
the you that I could swear
I'd kill a thousand times and remain unsatisfied,
because though you pull me closer,
th
Without you I am terrified;
without you I am lost
and though I have so often tried
to pretend that I am not,
I know you know that I am me:
tied to you irrevocably.
Deeper, darker, more myself;
pin me to a lower shelf,
I’ll crawl away when you sigh
of a pain I’ve never known could die
in the arms of a love with similar cries
for the world’s silently approaching demise.
Wrapped in you wrapped in me
we are interchangeably
two parts of a larger whole,
the same sort of dark-dipped soul
tipped into eternity;
for without a single word to me,
I hear all I need to know
with only a thought of what you endow:
everything distant,
ever
These feelings remaining
were meant to be selfish.
I intended to love you
but for my own sake,
for the fragment of me
sleeping deep in you,
a me I never obtained
not while apart from you.
A human love
a human life,
I threw them away before I knew what it was like
and I'd abhor my regret had I known that I would,
I'd have killed myself before loving you twice.
You were always the nonsense I refused to accept
The warmth and humanity
I turned away from,
and remembering you in a good light
...is difficult.
You caused more of me to surface
than I think I'll ever admit,
and I hate you,
despise you,
and love you still.
A fox-like grin peers underneath
Your quick and wary lies,
Sees through them yet still leaves them sheathed,
Pleased to remain sly.
Honesty's perplexity
Is always on her mind,
Though somewhat inevitably,
There is still much to find.
In a vast world of still untold tales,
Too much lies left to see,
Awaiting her pale,
Yet well-colored degree
Of logical perspective,
To touch the joys of human existence,
With some amount of quiet resistance.
Changing and still being changed,
The world yet shifts around
Ideas not yet quite arranged
The way they were in the background.
With an all out sniff, she turns around
The fates of mine and more,
Willing
In a melting world of twisted lies,
your hand reached out for mine.
Maybe only for an instant,
but the lines you left were fine
so thin like needles, and all too quickly
they prodded open parts of me
I never meant to have;
and with so much of me exposed,
I suppose we had proposed
some impossible way around the truth:
you only ever meant to seduce.
Tearing apart the theories left,
no longer aids my cause
while I am a victim of my own theft
the creator of my flaws.
With menacing eyes, did you promise me
that there would always be a place
for me inside your tremendously
abrupt and withered pace?
Have I finally reached some state of mind,
I can
A sadness befalls me,
like never before
it's in the air all around me
I can't escape anymore;
this heaven-like madness steals into my veins
and attempts to reconsider
in stealing my pain,
but this shell of mine withers.
Aching and screaming to let itself out
Shouting and begging for someone to hear
as it reaches and shouts
in endless bouts
to thousands of ignorant ears.
Pleading the depths of that I call myself
Have I truly nothing to fear?
As I've always believed I could move on in stealth,
hiding and burying tears.
So longing for someone
to let me hold on
to something much more than just me,
for forgetting was wrong,
and in that I am rig
Redundantly avoiding
the question in my head,
the one that left me pondering
for hours alone in bed.
It dug deep into me this time,
it wove into my skin
So that now I must address it:
Is choosing ignorance a sin?
It is the only wrong I have ever believed
could ruin a life so certainly
Hiding, covering all who were deceived,
allowing for them to blatantly
accept that nothing can ever be better
than the way it already is
allowing the rain to drench them, wetter,
until their lights spark out with a fizz.
No one sees what the world becomes,
when they decide to be happy
when they choose to be in love
when they choose to spend life napping
in an
Desire so potent for something unsaid
desperate to gain something,
but easily mislead.
Believing that wealth will let him rest easy
chasing after something with an aura so pleasing,
its sharp beauty carves into eager eyes
dances within them, and renders them blind.
All they see is the illusion
that green will be enough
but the heart, in its confusion,
leaps and beats for stuff-
glorious wealth so tied to success
that any fool would see it as best.
Willing to go to about any means
of achieving this corrupt desire-
Jimmy Gatz dies behind the scenes
consumed by his own fire.
The soul left in his place
chases a siren's song,
attempting to create
You make me something that I don't expect to be
but I'm addicted and drawn in by the way that sets me free.
Who are you across this distance
that we've never brought to a close
I can't feel your resistance
and I feel that my own shows.
Accepting and accepted,
we are two parts of a pair
though I was inept at finding
a better when and where.
Though this surely is the best for me
that it has ever been
I'm a little scared to lose and see
what really lies in men.
Your trembling grasp, it tightens
and I have no right to leave
but for once staying feels alright
with you pulling on my sleeve.
Play with me a little longer,
if that's what we have her